Girl I Used To Be

“Girl I Used To Be” is about feeling like people see a version of you that no longer exists, and no matter what you do, they still treat you the same way they always have, no matter how much you want them to understand.

I wanted the song to feel conflicted, with a sense of hesitation. Most of the lyrical themes are about looking back on who you used to be and realising you don’t recognise that person anymore. It is almost about escaping a life or place you felt trapped in, much like the lyric “a teddy bear, a lock, a key, a door I couldn’t open, I couldn’t flee.” It creates an image of a young child holding something that is typically comforting, but being in an unsafe place and feeling unsafe.

Most of the lyrics reflect that narrative, especially the last verse: “I lost my voice, no reason to be, I lost all reality, but did I deserve to be free.” The line about being free feels like I am questioning whether I deserve to move past things that have happened in the past.

This song is very vulnerable and honest, and it is one of the only songs on the album where I wanted to be the only one singing. Towards the end of the song, there is a guitar solo that my producer and friend Josh Croly created. I often describe listening to it as “ascending to heaven,” as it feels very euphoric and almost like a lullaby.